A release

I couldn't take it anymore. Dating a girl that haunts my both my profiles, one more than the other, leaves me for less than desired privacy. When I post on Facebook, people see it and will either report to her or not care. On Myspace, I've forsaken that site for it's nothing but hassle, but in reality, aren't they both? A separate email, a new blog, a new start with my mind. It's grand. What's sad is that I have four emails I work with, all of which I'll save to my computer right now in a file so I won't forget the passwords.

I'll admit to myself right now I have problems; First and foremost is that despite what convictions and revelations I may reach, I'm not over her. I've access to her photobucket and the picture I saw tonight not only excited me but internally infuriated me at the same time. Thinking on it, I'm not cut out to date people with my mind caught up on her; Is it my mind, or my heart? Or perhaps even a soul? That's subject to debate but at the moment, how could something so...SIMPLE..as a picture of her practically topless excite me so badly? Do I miss the curvilinear mold of her body, being quite the beautiful and seductive young woman she is? Do I miss her compassion, her style, her grace, her everything? Or am I chasing a ghost?

I don't know. My mind isn't focused on her but perhaps it's in the subconscience. Maybe even a fragment of my heart and soul yearn for her, and in turn, I treat each subsequent girlfriend afterwards as if they were nothing but a mere replacement? If so, then why is it all I can do is hurt those who grow attached and leave them stranded as I shuffle my feet foward toward my next destination? Maybe it's destiny.

Second is my self loathing anger that branches out and attacks others through some reasoning that refuses to allow me to accept myself. This one is tricky...I'm not sure how to handle it, truly, all I can do is keep my anger contained at bay. There are other problems but honestly, I don't want to type about them. I can't, my mind's warped from the image I just saw....

Why...am I jealous after more than five years?

I'll use this blog to figure myself out, and perhaps reach some answers. And to get away from everyone on FB...